I’m Stuggling! Is this just life?

Little by little this world is starting to make sense to me.
This is the second time I’ve lived in Finland.
I’m struggling. This is life. It’s been three and a half months.
Each day I press onward in this struggle to discover myself.

What am I even doing here?
What am I doing… in general?

They used to ask me,
“You’re from New York! Why on earth would you come to Finland, of all places?”
I never really knew how to answer.
Over and over, the same question.
I came up with something to say but I still didn’t really understand.
How could they be so indifferent about a place that for me was full of new discoveries?
How on earth could I be so far off the mark?

I looked around at all the people in my new little world.
They were busy living their lives.
Coming and going from this place and that.
Consumed with their own affairs.

What am I waiting for?
My whole life is standing before me.
I’m sitting here plotting and scheming how I want things to play out.
Convinced that somehow I’ve got to force things to go my way.
Maybe it’s not so complicated as that.

What if I’m already on the right track?
What if my life is already playing out exactly the way it’s supposed to?

I’ve been granted an amazing opportunity here.
The pressure of having to succeed according to somebody else’s standard is lifted.
I get the chance to ask myself, “What do I really want?”

I want to embrace the emergence of my true self.
I want to learn how to just take it easy and live my life on my own terms.
A big part of that is sharing instead of hiding, and feeling instead of running away.

Who’s going to tell me how to live my life?
This is my life and I chose to let go of the struggle.
I’m giving it away!

It’s not going to be easy but that’s life.
That’s why it matters so much.

I hope you are blessed today beyond belief.
Take a look around you.
You are no accident.
You are a beautiful ray of sunshine.
Shine bright, we need you now more than ever!


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