March 20th: The First Day of Spring

March 20th, 2015

Just when you feel like giving up,
When you wanted to give up,
But you didn’t
That’s when something miraculous can happen.

Yesterday I’d lost the motivation to be The Silver Cowboy.
I knew I needed a day off. My plan was to walk, more like wander.
Searching for something that didn’t exist
If it did exist, I might not even know I’d found it even if I had.
My feet just kept moving.
Aimlessly, or with such an unknown aim.
As if I was a blindfolded cowboy
Standing at the crossroads
Wishing he had the guts to draw his revolvers
And fire it in any direction
Just to see if anyone noticed him.
Maybe then he’d know if anyone cared that he was losing his edge,
And maybe someone would talk him out of it.

But alas, I have no gun.
All I have is a heart.
And lately it’s been heavy and awfully lonely.
A lone ranger as some might see it.
I’d love to be seen.
Not as a man who paints himself silver.
But as a man who has the guts to say,
I am a thinker
I am a talker
I am a writer
And I want to be known.

Its not a matter of fame
I just want to meet some inspiring people who can understand that I’m not crazy
And even If I am, maybe they are willing to be crazy with me
Crazy enough to deny this world the opportunity of crush us all like bugs under its boot heel.

I think I used to be afraid of you.
Yeah You!
The one reading this.
Maybe I still am scared
But I’m not going to live in fear any longer.
I am a writer and I need to be read.
I need to scribble words on the train
and beg people to wonder what I’m writing about.
So here I am.
Not in the flesh but in the ink, in the print.
Begging you for a chance to tell my story.
After all, I’m just a lonely storyteller and I have a story to tell.
I will share with you my strength,
I will share with you my pain, my doubt, my hopes and dreams.
Life is about struggle and hustle.
Today I will paint my face in the subway station.
Let’s see who wants to watch.

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